


Grasping at Straws

by crushondeanlikeafairy



Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: Gen, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Street, Medical, Recovery, Street Needs a Hug, Street Whump, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-28 15:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19815487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushondeanlikeafairy/pseuds/crushondeanlikeafairy
Summary: Being an officer on LAPD's S.W.A.T. is a dangerous job and sometimes people get hurt. When a home invasion goes wrong, Street finds himself with a few bullet holes and an uncertain prognosis. He's already had to earn his way back onto the team once, but can he do it again?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This is inspired by a storyline from Elementary.  
> Another fun fact: I am reading medical journals! Prepare yourselves!

It was just a standard barricade situation or, at least, it had started off that way. There had been a string of armed robberies in one of Los Angeles’ more affluent neighborhoods over the last few weeks. It was well below S.W.A.T.’s paygrade, the investigation being left up to the detectives in the department’s burglary division. The situation became their problem when one of the families had a change in their daily routine. Apparently, the daughter had woken up with a fever so she’d stayed out of school and the mother had stayed home from work to take care of her. The would-be burglarers had broken in any way, triggered a silent alarm and they’d taken the mother and daughter hostage when the police showed up, barricading themselves inside. The unis that had responded to the call were outside, but every step they took toward the home resulted in shots being fired back at them. They were stuck, and the hostages made the situation all the more complicated. Fortunately, while the regular cops weren’t trained for this, it was exactly what S.W.A.T. was for.

The house was a two-stories tall, modern design with crisp, clean lines and painted in a soft eggshell white. A long gravel driveway ran up to the front door, wrapping back around creating two entrances. A stone wall with ivy growing up it came from both sides of the house, creating a barrier between the front and back yards, with wrought-iron gates allowing passage through. Two squad cars were already in the driveway, angled to prevent the robbers from driving their get-away vehicle through should they somehow reach it. Black Betty came skidding to a halt as the team hopped out the back. Luca and Tan got out of the front, running around to meet the others behind the van.

“Alright, team,” Hondo commanded, “Witnesses say there are three robbers and two hostages. One is a kid. We gotta do this right. Deac, Tan, and Chris go in through the east window, make your way up to the second floor. Street and Luca, you’re with me. We’ll go in the back. We’re going rabbit hunting.”

“Yes, sir,” they answered in unison, breaking into their assigned groups and creeping around the building to their locations. Deacon’s team used the stone wall as a stepping point to reach up to the back window. He held up their camera to peek through, ensuring the room on the other side was empty, before reaching up and sliding the pane open. The trio silently made their way inside, searching for the hostages. Meanwhile, Hondo led his group through the iron gate and around the back door. They blew the lock with barely a popping sound, Luca running in first and checking around.

“All clear,” he whispered. Hondo and Street followed him inside and moved soundlessly through the bottom floor. It was empty, everyone was upstairs. Street was the first out of the kitchen, on their way back to the stairs. They were preparing to head up when shots fired from the top floor, followed by a crashing sound.

“We got a rabbit!” Tan shouted over the line. A moment later, one of the robbers came running down the stairs.

“I see him,” Street responded, chasing after their target.

“Luca, go with him,” Hondo ordered, turning and heading up the stairs to make sure the other two suspects were accounted for.

Luca did as ordered, following Street outside. The robber had rounded the corner of the house, passing back through the iron gate, Street close on his tail. Just as his teammate ran past the wall, someone dressed in black with a ski mask covering their face stepped out from behind the wall. Before Luca could react, the man had let off three shots, the sound echoing through the air. Time slowed for Luca as he watched the force of the bullets rock Street’s body forward, that combined with his running momentum sent him crashing to his knees. Luca reached his friend, coming to a stop beside him but Street waved him on.

“I’m good, go,” the kid grimaced, pressing his left hand against his right shoulder, blood already soaking into his shirt. Luca allowed himself to be distracted for only a second before getting his head back in the game and chasing after the suspects. By the time he came around the front of the house, one was already out of sight. But the first one that Street had been chasing was opening fire on the cops taking cover behind their cars. It was all too easy for Luca to run up behind him and tackle him to the ground. He quickly cuffed the robber and handed him over to the officers. The second one though, the one that had shot Street, he was somehow nowhere to be seen.

That done, Luca turned back and ran back to Street who was still kneeling on the floor. He fell to his knees beside his friend, trying to get a closer look at the wound.

“Man, that’s a lot of blood.”

Street pulled his trembling hand away from his shoulder, his palm coated red, “It’s a through and through.”

“Let me see,” Luca said, moving behind Street to make sure only one had actually penetrated. He was correct, the other two casings a mere inch away, crushed into the kevlar vest.

“Did you get him?”

“One of ‘em,” Luca grumbled, reaching for the button on his radio, “Officer down. I repeat, officer down. Requesting immediate medical attention.”

The other four were together, and that was obviously Luca’s voice. They would know who he was talking about.

“Street?” Chris’ concerned voice filtered through the comms, “What happened?”

“He’s been shot. He seems fine. He’s conscious, but we need a bus.”

“ETA fifteen minutes,” one of the officers out front answered a moment later.

As soon as the rest of the team handed their suspects over to the unis, and the hostages were escorted safely out of the house, they ran out to the side of the house to meet their teammates.

“What happened?” Hondo demanded.

“I guess one of them got outside and we didn’t notice,” Luca explained, “Another one came out from behind the wall and shot Street in the back.”

“How can that be?” Tan asked, “We had two upstairs.”

“Reports were wrong,” Deacon answered, “There were four robbers. One must have been waiting outside.”

“A lookout,” Tan said, “That’s how the robbers had time to set up the barricade.”

“How bad is it?” Chris said, sitting down next to Street on the grass.

It took the officer in question a moment to answer, his brain not registering that he was being spoken to, focusing on his shoulder. Beyond the burning pain lancing from his shoulder to his collarbone, he realized that his arm itself was silent.

“I, uh… I can’t feel my arm,” he croaked, looking up at Chris.

“It doesn’t hurt?” she asked.

He shook his head, gritting his teeth, “My shoulder is on fire, but I can’t move my fingers.”

“I’m sure that’s normal. Try not to worry too much,” Hondo answered when it became clear no one else knew what to say to that. He didn’t quite believe himself, but he’d rather keep Street and the others calm right now than freak them out before the medics could even take a look. “But that is a lot of blood, we should slow it down.”

“Here,” Deacon offered up his coat, having been the only one to wear his that day. Luca took it and pressed it against the back of Street’s shoulder while the other man kept his hand firmly pressed against the front. The younger member grimaced at the added pressure on the wound, letting out a low hiss.

“Sorry,” Luca mumbled.

Rather than answer, Street decided to try and stand up, tired of kneeling in the red-stained grass. He’d lost more blood than he initially thought however and he suddenly felt woozy, stumbling backward slightly. Hondo had been right behind him fortunately and grabbed onto him firmly before he could eat dirt again.

“Maybe stay still just till the paramedics get here.”

It wasn’t long until they did just that, and Street was loaded onto an ambulance. Hondo gave Chris leave to ride with him to the hospital. The others had to stay behind to be debriefed. Commander Hicks and Captain Cortez drove up right as the ambulance was pulling out of the driveway. The remaining four members of the team relayed the details as they knew them to their bosses, explaining the situation.

“Alright,” Jessica said, “We’ll get everything wrapped up here. You can all go down to the hospital. But be ready in case you get another call. And you call me as soon as you know the situation.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Hondo answered sincerely. The group made a break for Black Betty.

They found Chris sitting in the waiting room at St. Thomas’ Medical Group, just fifteen minutes away. She was leaning on her knees, her foot tapping erratically against the worn carpet, chewing nervously on her fingernails. She rose to her feet when she spotted them, crossing the room to them. Everyone looked at her expectantly.

“He’s in surgery.”

“That bad?” Luca exclaimed.

She couldn’t find the words, so she nodded silently.

“Looks like we’re waiting then,” Hondo said.

It was several hours of tense silence, broken only occasionally by Luca’s nervous rambling before a doctor came out and called for ‘Jim Street’s family.’ They nearly tripped over each other in their hurry to respond.

“Nice to meet you all, I'm Doctor Brown. He’s out of surgery. He isn’t conscious just yet, but you can all go in and see him now.”

“How is he? How did it go?” Tan asked.

“All things considered, I think it went very well. The brachial artery was just a few centimeters away and if that had been severed he wouldn’t have made it to the hospital. We’re going to have to wait until he wakes up to really know where things are at.”

“What do you mean?” Deacon asked.

“I can’t discuss too much without his consent but, basically, the surgery was to repair nerves that were severed by the bullet.”

“Severed? What… what does that mean exactly?” Chris asked slowly.

The doctor let out a sympathetic sigh, “There’s a very high possibility that he’ll find that his right arm is paralyzed when he wakes up.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days?? Unprecedented!

Before the team could react to the news, a nurse came out and said that their injured member was awake. The doctor led them through a pair of doors and down the hall to room 132-A. On the way, he explained a few things.

“He’s going to be a bit groggy, it’ll take a few minutes for the anesthesia to wear off completely. He’s fully conscious, just tired. I’m going to wait until he’s a little more aware to discuss the situation with him, so please avoid the topic for the moment.”

“Of course, Doctor,” Hondo agreed, the others nodding behind him.

The nurse held the door open for them and the small group shuffled in past her. They all stopped together just inside the doorway. Street was laid out in the hospital bed in the center of the room, a blanket pulled up to his chest, and a few leads coming out from the neckline of his hospital gown to monitors sitting in the corner of the room. It was beeping steadily, and it relieved the group substantially. An IV was attached to his uninjured arm, replacing the blood he had lost back at the house. He didn’t open his eyes when they entered and for a moment they thought he had fallen back asleep.

“Jim, your friends are here to see you,” the nurse said softly, tapping his left shoulder before she started moving around the room and checking the monitors and marking things on his chart that hung at the foot of the bed.

When he heard his name, Street slowly blinked his eyes open, taking a moment to focus them on his teammates.

“Hey, guys,” he said slowly. The others took that as their opening to move further into the room, spreading out slightly in a semi-circle at the side of the bed.

The nurse finished up and left the room, closely followed by the doctor.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The door shut behind him, leaving the S.W.A.T. team all together in the hospital room. Chris moved closer to the bed, sitting down in a chair beside it, “How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy,” he answered through half-lidded eyes.

Luca chuckled, “I’ll bet.”

“Hey, um…” Street shifted his body slightly like he had been thinking of sitting up but decided against it, “Did they tell you why I needed surgery? The nurse said I was in surgery.”

They all exchanged looks, remembering the doctor’s request. Deacon was the first to speak up.

“They haven’t said anything to us yet.”

“Oh, ok,” he mumbled. Even still groggy, he didn’t sound like he fully believed Deacon. But he was also too out of it to really carry on the conversation at the moment.

They sat with him for a little bit as the sun began to set through the window, watching as the anesthesia gradually wore off and he woke up. Unfortunately, the more the drugs wore off, the more aware he became of his body and the fact that his shoulder  _ really  _ hurt. His discomfort was written on his face, his eyebrows creasing downward as he grit his teeth.

“So, then Duke knocks over my beer and I’m freaking out cause there’s broken glass everywhere, right? But this dog is just lapping up the beer off the floor,” Luca was laughing, remembering his dog’s silly actions, stopping when he saw his friends expression, “Hey, dude, you alright?”

Street squeezed his eyes shut, nodding tightly, “Mmhmm.”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” Chris started, turning and almost running into the man in question on her way out the door.

“No need,” Doctor Brown smiled, “We figured the anesthesia would have worn off by now. Is there only pain in your shoulder?”

He continued when Street nodded.

“Nerve damage can be quite painful. I’ll have Gabby give you a local anesthetic, that should take the edge off.”

The nurse took her cue and went about her business. She adjusted the bed slowly so that Street could be in a sitting up position.

“So, what’s the situation, doc?” Luca asked once the nurse was finished.

Doctor Brown turned to his patient, “Do I have your permission to speak with them in the room?”

Street looked at his teammates momentarily, a debate warring in his eyes. He wasn’t even sure what the doctor was going to say, so he couldn’t know whether or not it was something he wanted his friends to hear. What he did know was that he was afraid to hear the news. That realization made him realize it wasn’t something he wanted to do alone.

“They can stay.”

Brown nodded, sitting down in the chair beside the one Chris still occupied, “Basically, there are a bunch of nerves in your shoulder called the brachial plexus. It controls quite a few things, but mostly the functionality and sensitivity in your arm. It’s essentially a nerve supply for the skin and muscles in your arms. From our MRI scans, it looks like a few of them were severed when the bullet passed through your shoulder. The surgery was to go in and fix what we could.”

“So… that’s why I can’t feel my arm?” Street asked slowly.

“Yes. There are several terminal branches leading into the arm and from our scans, it looks like most if not all of them were cut. We would have to do a few exercises with you to be sure but, correct me if I’m wrong, it looks like all sensory and motor functions have been severed.”

“You, um… you did surgery, but I still don’t feel anything,” Street responded after taking a minute to process everything being thrown at him, “Can you fix it?”

The doctor sighed, glancing down at the clipboard laid in his lap to compose himself, “It’s not a quick one and done issue. We did what we could, but nerve damage is a complicated issue. There is no more that we can do. What you’re looking at is a few months of physical therapy and hopefully, in time, the nerves will heal enough that you regain control.”

“Hopefully?” Hondo chimed in.

Brown looked briefly at Hondo before turning back to his patient, “Yes, well, each case of nerve damage is different. Some patients recover sooner than others, and some… do not. It all depends on the extent of the damage. I do not want to discourage you, but you need to be prepared for the very real possibility that your arm will not regain functionality. And, in the event that it does, it may not be the same as before.”

Everyone, including Street, was in too much shock to continue the conversation, so Hondo took it upon himself to keep it going.

“What are the treatment options? The most likely way for his arm to heal?”

“Physical therapy several times a week is a must. There are also several exercises that can be done at home-”

The discussion went on without Street. He couldn’t hear anything past the roaring in his ears.  _ The very real possibility _ , the doctor had said. The deadweight at his side might stay that way for the rest of his life. He might lose everything because some burglar had missed his vest by less than an inch. Only a few months ago he had earned his way back on the team that he had betrayed with his lies. He had proved himself worthy and they had accepted him back. And now he was about to lose it all again. The only family he had ever had and he could feel it slipping away already. They’d have nothing to do with him if he wasn’t on the team anymore. They’d make an effort to see him for a little while, but eventually, he would fade into the background. Replaced in their family with whoever would replace him on the team. It wasn’t like his life had been going well before today, but it hadn’t been turned upside down either. To think, this morning his biggest concern was that he’d let his mother wasn’t taking his calls. In the flash of an instant, everything he had worked for was swept out from under him, and all he was left with was a dead arm as a souvenir.

“Jim?” the doctor’s voice filtered in through his thoughts.

“Street!” Deacon said when the younger man didn’t answer.

He startled as he was jerked back into awareness, looking up at the people standing around him, “What?”

Doctor Brown gave him a sympathetic look, “This is a lot to take in so early. How about we continue this conversation later?”

“Okay,” he mumbled.

“I’m going to check on my other patients. You all are welcome to stay for a bit, but please not for long. It’s getting late and he needs rest.”

“Thank you,” Hondo said.

The doctor waved goodbye, the nurse following after him.

“Have a nice evening,” Gabby smiled softly as she headed out the door.

“Dude,” Luca said, “You looked like you were spiraling.”

“I wasn’t,” Street insisted, though he knew he didn’t sound convincing.

“It’s all gonna work out,” Chris said, “Don’t worry about it. Just some therapy and you’ll be good as new.”

“Maybe,” he answered cynically, avoiding looking at her. Or anyone for that matter.

“You can’t think like that-” Tan started.

“You heard him, he said to be prepared.”

“That doesn’t me-”

“Can you guys go?” he said, feeling the faint itch behind his eyes that meant he was close to tears. He hated crying in front of others, he refused to. Especially not them. It was a sign of weakness. If this whole situation didn’t give them enough to look down on him for, he wouldn’t add fuel to the fire.

“Street…” Luca tried.

The effort of holding back his tears was causing a headache to build in his skull, pounding like a distant drum. “Please,” he pleaded, “This is… this is a lot. I just need to be alone right now.”

Luca looked ready to argue, as usual, but Hondo held him at bay with a firm hand on his shoulder, “Alright, we’ll let you get some rest. But we’ll be back tomorrow as soon as we can, you hear me?”

Street nodded silently, staring at the blanket draped over his lap, counting the threads to avoid making eye contact. The group shuffled out after Hondo, each of them throwing a quiet goodbye over their shoulder as they left. Chris lingered for a moment as if she wanted to say something. Street looked up at her out of the corner of his eye, watched her take a deep breath as she bit her bottom lip. Whatever had been on her mind stayed there though as she turned and wordlessly headed after the rest of the team.

He was left alone with his thoughts. Maybe Luca had been right about him spiraling, and maybe he should’ve let them stay to stop him from plunging down the rabbit hole of self-doubt. But he had let them go anyway and he’d have to live with his mistakes. Gabby came in a few more times to adjust the bed so he could lay down and make sure he had enough pain meds to last the night. On her way out, she stopped in the doorway, her hand resting on the light switch.

“I know things seem overwhelming right now but, for what it’s worth, I believe you can get through this. Try not to get in your own head too much, that never helps anybody. Goodnight.”

She flipped the switch, plunging the room in darkness. He didn’t sleep much that night, despite the fact the doctor said he should rest. He was too wrapped up in the ‘what-ifs’.  _ What if I don’t get better? What if I lose my family? What will I do if I can’t be a cop? _ As expected, nobody but the steady beats of heart monitor answered his questions.


	3. Chapter 3

Doctor Brown came back the next morning and did a few exercises with him. He had a pencil-shaped object and poked different areas of Street’s arm with it, asking each time if he could feel it. Each time Street shook his head. They tested for something called Tinel signs, to find where the injured nerves were. As of right now, they only occurred in his shoulder. When Brown tapped there, a sharp tingling shot through his shoulder. He explained that as Street recovered, eventually that feeling would travel down his arm. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but it meant that things were healing.

He was only kept in the hospital for another day to make sure the surgery went as planned and then they released him with a ‘Temporary Total Disability’ status. The doctors wouldn’t allow him to return to work at all for at least a month, for what they called a resting period. The nerves in his shoulder needed some time before they’d even begin to heal and he should avoid as much strain as possible during that time. Once that period was over, the department would place him on desk duty until further notice.

He couldn’t start physical therapy until then either. So he was looking at sitting at home for the next month with nothing but the strong pain meds they gave him to keep him company. It was also important to keep the entry and exit wounds clean to avoid infection, as well as the two incisions on the side of his neck and the front of his shoulder from the nerve repair surgery. Eventually, most likely a few months down the road, he’d reach what Doctor Brown called ‘Maximum Medical Improvement’. There’d come a point where he healed as much as he was ever going to and no amount of treatment would change it. What waited to be seen was whether or not that point was enough for him to be able to return to work. If it wasn’t, that ‘Temporary’ in his disability status would be changed to ‘Permanent’ and he’d have to say goodbye to S.W.A.T. once and for all. It was a long journey until then and the medical team insisted it’s was a marathon, not a race.

Captain Cortez had come to visit him, partly to see how he was doing and partly because she needed to speak with the doctor. Incidents like this came with a lot of paperwork. She swore his spot on the team would be there once his arm was healed and she wouldn’t hear any discussion of the possibility of that not happening.

“You’ll be back on S.W.A.T. in no time,” she insisted, “There’s no point in discussing any other option because they’re not going to happen.”

Right now, Street was waiting outside the hospital with Gabby, trying not to think about his awful penmanship on the release forms he had to fill out. It was hospital policy that the patients were not allowed to walk themselves out, so they’d made him ride out in a wheelchair. Luca had taken the day off so that he could pick up Street from the hospital and take him back to their house. It had been a necessity since Street didn’t have anyone outside of the team who could do it.

And that was another thing he wouldn’t be able to do for the foreseeable future. It looked like his motorcycle would be getting an extended vacation. Luca pulled up to the loading area and hopped out of the car, running around to get the door for his friend.

“Thanks for picking me up,” Street said.

“Of course, dude,” Luca answered, “I took the whole day off, so I can help you get settled in and all that good stuff.”

“You didn’t have to do tha-”  
“Yes, I did,” Luca said firmly, “Now get in the car.”

Street smiled at his friend, turning to the nurse before getting in, “Thank you for everything, Gabby.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” she smiled, “We’ll see you a few weeks for your check-in.”

Luca shut the passenger door behind Street, waving goodbye to Gabby as he ran back around the car and hopped into the driver’s seat. They didn’t talk for most of the drive, Street occasionally reaching his left hand up to adjust the strap around his neck. Doctor Brown had given him a sling of sorts to support his arm and keep it out of his way. It wasn’t too bad, but it did chafe against the back of his neck. Once they got home, Street tossed the bag of stuff the hospital had given him onto the coffee table and gingerly sat down on the couch. He had been given some pain meds not too long ago, so his shoulder didn’t hurt too much at the moment but he still needed to be careful not to jar it too much.

It became obvious to Luca almost immediately that his friend wasn’t in a very chatty mood, but it also felt wrong for him to just leave Street alone all day with nothing but his thoughts. So he sat down in his recliner and scrolled through Netflix, deciding now was a perfect time to finish the latest season of Bojack Horseman. They’d started watching it together right after Street had moved in with him, but the other man had been a bit preoccupied since he’d realized that his mother was missing so they hadn’t watched it together in a while. Come to think of it, Street hadn’t mentioned his mom for a few weeks now. Luca wondered what had happened with the search, but didn’t find now the right time to bring it up.

The episodes were short and they managed to get through an entire season but Street wasn’t laughing like he usually did. Luca decided that maybe space was something that his friend could use after all.

“I’m gonna run down to the market and stock up on some groceries. You wanna come?” he asked. He already knew what the answer would be, but he figured it’d be better for him to ask and get turned down than assume the answer was no.

“Nah, I’m good,” Street answered as predicted, “I’ll hang here.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in a bit.”

Luca made sure his wallet was in his pocket and swiped his phone off the coffee table, making a beeline for the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, Street let out a deep sigh. Everyone he’d spoken too, Luca in particular, seemed determined to have an obnoxiously positive attitude. He knew it was probably for the best, but he was beginning to think it would be harder than everyone made it out to be. It seemed to come so easily to them, simply believing that everything was going to be okay. No doubt they were faking, but on a brave face for him. One that he himself couldn’t seem to muster. It would be good, he supposed, that he wouldn’t have to be at the precinct at all for a few weeks. Maybe his friends would leave him alone and it would give him some time to learn how to fake it himself.

It wasn’t long before his thoughts were interrupted by a knocking at the door. Street sighed as he heaved himself to his feet.

“Forget your keys?” he asked as he unlocked the door, swinging it open to reveal an entirely different teammate, “Oh. You’re not Luca.”

“Um, no,” Chris said nervously, “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he answered, stepping back and waving her inside.

“Sorry,” she said as she stepped through the door, “I tried calling to let you know I was on my way, but you didn’t answer your phone.”

“The battery died while I was in the hospital. I haven’t charged it yet.” The statement was only partially true. His phone had died but it had been charged for hours now, sitting on the cord while he’d watched TV. He knew she’d called but he’d ignored it. He’d ignored several calls from almost all of his teammates. He wasn’t quite ready to answer their calls just yet, knowing what they’d say and unsure himself how he’d respond.

“Oh.”

He shut the door behind him, regarding Chris standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room. 

“You can sit down, you know.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see how you were doing, you know, with everything. And I thought you should know, they haven’t found a temporary sixth for the team yet. I mean, it has only been a day. Today was so strange with both you and Luca gone,” she chuckled, “So quiet.”

He tried, he really did, but he could only listen to her ramble for so long. Made shorter by the insistent voice in the back of his head that told him she was only checking in out of obligation, rather than genuine concern.

“Why are you doing this?”

She stuttered to a halt, blinking owlishly at him. “What do you mean?”

“You told me that we could only be teammates. Remember? Why are you pretending to be my friend?”

“I-” she started and stopped a few times, visibly reworking her sentence in her head, “You are my teammate and you got hurt. We don’t have to be friends for me to want to see how you’re doing?”

“But that’s the thing. For the foreseeable future, we’re not teammates. So that means that we’re nothing to each other anymore.”

“That’s not true. We-”

Chris was floundering and she knew it. She had come here because she still cared about him, that would remain true no matter how far away she pushed him, and she had known that now more than ever he’d need support from this team. From his friends. But he was right, they weren’t friends, not anymore. Those had been her words. But her saying it and her believing it were two different matters and she didn’t have the power to speak something into existent. She could say they were nothing more than teammates all she wanted, but it didn’t just make the feelings go away. She couldn’t very well tell him that, though.

When it became clear that she didn’t have a response, Street took a deep breath, shoving his working hand into his jean pocket.

“Look, Chris, I appreciate you coming here to check on me, but I know that whatever was between us before, friendship or whatever that was, is over. And watching you pretend to care is just making everything harder.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. She knew she couldn’t argue, not when she’d been the one to tell him it was over. For every bit emotionally distrusting that Street was, she was right there with him. It was part of the reason they had gotten along so well, and more than responsible for the reason everything had ended so badly. Chris had made her choice and now she’d have to live with it. The least she could do was make things a little easier on him.

“Okay. I’ll go,” she answered stiffly, moving toward the door. She paused with it half-open, turning back to the man she used to call her best friend, “But you should call Hondo back before he decides on a surprise visit too.”

Street sat down on the arm of the couch, staring at the point where she had gone. He wished more than anything that he could have his best friend back. Though he was loathe to admit it to himself, he needed her. But he’d screwed up and now she was gone, and he was back to his old habits of pushing people away when he needed them most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If y'all have any thought, ideas, or theories I'd love to hear em. I can feel the inspiration slipping! As always happens when I rush into a story and don't plan it out. XD


End file.
